As a movie, Bring it on brought dance to a whole new level. Generations not normally exposed to terrible films would have once again missed a classic- if it weren't for Kirsten Dunst, for she alone made me and many others download this movie (i'd never go into a store and rent it). However, as a title for a 12-pack-blog-updating-drink-off I think it does a nice job. Matthew H. Johnson and I have purchased 12 packs of Natural Light. It is terrible terrible beer, but most importantly, it is cheap cheap beer. Our goal for the night, at the request of many, is to write after each beer. Currently, I have not had any thing to drink. At the beginnging of each post, from now on, I will list my can count and my estimated BAC from this website http://www.mste.uiuc.edu/dildine/bal.html.
Number of cans:0
BAC: 0.000
'Let's do this...for science!!'
Number of cans:1
BAC: 0.01596891891891892, You are not legally intoxicated
We just watched a great episode of scrubs. It has this guy who beat boxes really well and says 'he's got fluid' (in his lungs). The song went out to his boy Wayne in 302. I think it's about time I learned to beat box. And rap, too. Because after spring break I'll be going to a thing to learn to play my irish whistle, and perhaps a career in beatboxing/rapping/whistling/being really really really good looking is right around the corner! I am also listening to Pink Floyd right now, the album 'Animals'. I believe it is my favorite. I have no idea what we are doing next.
Number of cans:2
BAC: 0.026837837837837837, You are not legally intoxicated
So I have a The North Face fleece. In fact, I have 2, and I like wearing them. I enjoy being kept warm and feeling soft. The company moto, 'never stop exploring', should be adapted by our government and incorporated into some sort of policy, making certain behaviors (trespassing, wandering around, being a bum) not only legal, but preferred. See, Matty J and i just walked all around the frat house- no one else is here. When you're in a hurry you really don't see the entire picture, so normally when I walk around here I'm not looking for oddities and distinctions. While exploring we found bikes, which we'll ride later (be sure to read about it!), we saw golf clubs, so we're going to play some campus golf. And we'll be exploring while doing those things, thus the simple act of explroring the house lead to finding bikes. Perhaps while biking we'll find a burning house. Being drunk, we'll enter to find 2 dead prostitutes and about 100 pounds of methamphetamine. Our first instinct will be to take it all home with us and sell it, but while biking perhaps we found an underground tunnel which would suffice for storing the drugs. So that's what we'll do.
Number of beers: 3
BAC: 0.04280675675675677, You are not legally intoxicated
Well here is a thing I've been thinking about a lot. I mean, you could say I was obsessed. Perhaps infatuated. Even inundated. My ipod has a shitty battery. And the way it works, since I bought some warrenty thing since im a pseudo-sucker like that is I have to send my ipod in and they send me a new one. But then I wouldn't have my ipod for an extended period of time and furthermore i'd have to upload all my songs on to it again, which is something like 25 gigs or something, and I have stuff on my ipod that i deleted on my computer, since ipod has more gigs of hard drive than my computer. so is it worth it? i dunno. i think i'll just think about the question for the next year or so and then return mine and get one with color screen and video capabilities. i'm tired. Currently my ears are being treated to Saves the Day, a delicious morsel. Speaking of morsels, in seattttle today meg and I each had $5 chocolate strawberries at a place that had like 15 varieties of candied apples ranging from $6-$14!! For an apple dipped in chocolate, cover in oreos and peanuts and sprinkles and goodness. Dios Mio, I'll eat your souls!
Number of Beers:4
BAC: 0.05667567567567568, You are not legally intoxicated
Be you angels? Nah, you are assholes. Actually, this is not the greatest blog in the world. I couldn't remember the web address to the greatest blog. But guess what? This is NOT a tribute, for I bow down to no man. It's just a matter of opinion, but I think natty is a terrible beer and deserves to die, assuming beer could die. Actually, technically is beer alive? I mean, the ingredients were once alive. The hops or barely may have been in the middle of fucking it's 'sex buddy' (ahhh!) when it was harvested by some bearded asshole and mixed togetherwith other random shit to make this beer. But doesn't it have to ferment? Doesn't that have something to do with bacteria or something? Because bacteria is certainly alive- it has DNA and other shit ( sorry genetics teacher, i dont actually listen when you talk). So technicially I guess I am killing a beer each time I drink. Yikses!
Number of Beers:5
BAC: 0.07009459459459458
I don't have much to say, so I will probably go off on a tanget. However, I recommend (assuming you are an asshole, which you must be if you're friends with me) get like 2 or 3 friends together, get drunk, and then go to tuckermax.com and read the story 'tucker tried butt sex' and alternate paragraphs. It is fucking funny. Paul Fryman from England introduced me to Tucker Max and now I strongly suggest that you read all the stories. I was way in to them while in england and ended up with some great stories of my own- taking a bus home from a girls house at 11am in my pajamas, getting kicked out of Momma Mias kebab house, intentionally spilling my beer on Guy Le Douche, etc. Read them, become an asshole and fuck with people and then stop. You must stop. Now we are going to do beer pong. 1 on 1 on 1 ( the third person is starr, he is drinking but not really participating in the study with us).
Number of Beers:6
BAC: 0.08651351351351352, In MOST and possibly ALL states you would be considered intoxicated and arrested for DUI
Well that is great, I am finally drunk according to a website. However, I am smarter than the average website and thus believe I should be exempt from this 'arrest' and 'dui' so i'm going to drink to jack in the box right now. ok, back, with a double cheeseburger. AWESOME! But the worst news? They don't have french toast sticks anymore! I know, I know. BULLSHIT. So here's a story. When I roadtripped to cali with 3 friends they wanted jack in the box while we were in oakland so we put it in the GPS and had to follow the automated directions to get there! Awesome. Also, I just realized that since megan is gone I have to sleep 1. here 2. alone (most likely). Shitty, since I have stashed double stuffed oreos under her bed for me to eat each morning, night, and after sex.
Number of beers: 7
Number of BAC: 0.10143243243243243, In MOST and possibly ALL states you would be considered intoxicated and arrested for DUI
We just played 2 on 2 beer pong, with 2 beers per side so that the game would end with both j and me consuming exactly 1 beer. I didn't miss the entire game (4/4). In fact, we made the last 4 shots in a row to win it. Here is the dialogue from the trip up the stairs.
mattj y: i can't believe we won
me: i cant believe i made all my shots
matty j: i can't believe i made the last shot
me: i can't believe there are so many stairs.
However folks, I have a concern. A deep-seeded concern that I may never get drunk enough. I mean, is it still possible to read my writing? I assume it is. Thus, how many beers must a kyle drink before he is too drunk to make sense? May I suggest you grab a lebron flava 23 powerade and wait it out? cause it's coming bitch. Like flu season and another terriorist attack... IT'S COMING!!
Number of beers: 8
BAC:0.11785135135135136
Those huge baby eyes. WHAT? Ok so I dunno what is going on right now but we're going to play campus golf, which means I need to change clothes, as Jayz would say. So earler we had a discussion about what 3 bands/things we'd like to see in concert if we could choose any 3. I chose led zeppelin, jimi hendrix (number 1 choice) and 2pac. Also, play rugby. Since I want to play but can't until you fuckers show up to practice. Man, I am starting to get drunk and I like that, maybe soon i'll learn what you idiots mean when you say you are 'drunk' sine i feel like i've never been there, kinda like iceland.
Number of beers:9
BAC0.12077027027027026
note: the time between this time and the last was nearly an hour, thus we're not drunk. i am going to go convince him to drink and afain and we will write again then. assholes.
shit...for beer 10 i typed a lot about how matty j is a stupid asshole and i hate etc, except the passion with which i wrote cannot be depicted in 2 frustrated sentances so i'll stoip. but fuck fuck fuck. way to end the worst night ever.
number of beers 11:
0.14760810810810812
at this rate i could drink forever. my goal of dying will not happen. however i will drive soon for food and i am certain i will die then. oh wait i hate this cause i wrote an aesoem post last time and it was deleted and i hate that and you. and i hate the fact that i have one more beer left and that's it. and i have no megan :(
man, lonely. no, just kidding. i like dirnking some times and this is one of those times in which i enjoy excessive consumption of liquids which are destructive not only to my health, relationships and grades but to my future and long term survival on this 'planet' we call 'earth' which means 'kyle is awesome' in everything other language i speak (27, i'm a savant). fuck oasis. the audacity to come on my ipod right now. fuck fuck fuck. i wanted to write a post like this skmvskdmv; n;lksdm but my sobreity made it impossible since even when i am this drunk i am still much much much smarter than you (unless you are my father. dad, you are much smarter and much more ambitous. that is why you get national publicity for being the best lawyer in the country, are a lawyer for famous people like jesse ventura and timberwolves/twins players, and got inducted into the hall of fame for lawyers, which until now no one knew existed). hello. hello. nsdfmns,mn,msdfjn,m ds,m sdf, shello. hello. kjmndfksdflkmsdf. hello hello. klkmdlkmsdckmsdlkmlskdmlkmdc. okay i switched the song to chevelle 'comfortable liar' since if you're an asshole you lie. and if you lie, you better enjoy it and be good at it. riiiight? the pain. also, i emailed a girl tonight who i used to love/fuck and now i think...well, i dunno what to think. she visted me in england for a week, slept with me there, then didn't talk for me for 4 months until now. so what do YOU think? but i didn't call her, just sent her an email cause i'm a player. actually, i'm not a playa i just crush a lot.
berrs bitches: 12
BAC: 0.14602702702702708
so i guess i went down. but guess what. we just biked from here to the grocery store, like 45 miles so i'm hella tired and sweaty. matty j is like doctor cox: the more i feel her hates me/ wants me to die means he actually likes me and enjoys hanging out with ne, which is good. sine i enjoy hanging out with him. see, he is the ultimate womanizer. he's good at nothing. and is scrawny. yet he gets the ladies, since he understands most of the sluts are stupid and easy, which appeal to him. he tells them what they need, gets what he needs, and then kicks them out in the am so he and i can get food. exept tomorrow, since the sub is closed. oH YA. the getting less drunk thing...we jusrt bought more beer;;; so this 12 beer thin is now going to be at least 15. i think we sill watch a movie. in the class i tutor they had to make rules. on friay, one of the rules was 'we will finish every movie we start'. well, garden state...OVER!
numero 13
blood:AB
blood alcohol: 0.16244594594594597
so i lied. we have 6 more beers, a total of 18, before we're done. i will drink water or gstoraee d or whatever i have to then to not die. because as a not dead person i have stuff to do- going placves and doing things. as much as i hate to admit it, matty j beat me in something. 1 on 1 beer pong. i had him down to 1 cup but i think i'm getting to the point where thcups such. and soon we'll famiky guy and then garden state like i promised. i feel like i'm a dj for the sound (90.1) talkiing like i got listeners when i knowi dont. so. if you have hate in your heart, let it out. also, perhaps u were craving cheetos. that's normal, they're delicious. but in case you were unable to reach a napkin and needed a cheesy snack without leaving nasty cheese shit on your hands...what would you do? i'd buy the product that i may invent. called 'doesn't leave cheese on you, bitch" and it comes in many many flavors. (if you're from cananda/england then 'flavours')
So's your face!
beer number 14
BAc:0.17286486486486485 alive
so im not dead. damn. so security sucks. obvious. i had connections which kept us alive but basically, why can't we go into our old dorms? WTF, mate? Lame. SO matty and i walked to tp. he went in through a window and then let me in. we got stopped by security and since i'm on probation already...that sucks. but i knew the guy. this is why iwa tnt o live of campus next year and use better space bar tactics...on ampus sucks cause of shit like this. now i half expect these guys to come to my room and yell liuke 'uh i like ti like that write you up you suck;. but no. wrong. in fact, time for myre chex mic and a movie. soon i will get drunk and then shit will fly like the wright bros.
berrs 15
bacs 0.17878378378378373
not gettignd runker. getting tired tho. too many choices- sleep, movie, lucky charms, choclate lucky charms. i dunno. love could turn back to my side. so why wont you let me show who i am? ok JD...make me proud in this movie of you. i think im done with interingestsing posts.s
Beer 16 was last night before bed. Now it is 11:49am. I am awake. I am also
0.0872027027027027, In MOST and possibly ALL states you would be considered intoxicated and arrested for DUI
That is unfortunate since I am going to go eat soon and it's going to be excellent. So after reading both my blog and mattyjs i have decided that mine is better. simple fact. i assume you agree, otherwise we're not friends anymore.
