dream

i love office space however i don't think doing nothing is all it's cracked up to be. by doing nothing this summer i don't mean that i've been doing a few little things, staying busy, whatever. i mean i've done nothing and it's driving me crazy. Sure, i've been drunk running around downtown yelling at cop cars, but i'm talking about productivity, maturation, responsi-what?

c'mon bitches, 'tis me, sir lazy, mr. nada, etc. i don't 'do' shit in the same way that 'you' 'do' 'shit'. i wake up late, say noon. i have a bowl of cereal, read the newspaper cover (?) to cover (?) and then watch tv. there is always soccer on and for that i am thankful. then i go on a run and usually decide that i could be a professional soccer player. sometimes i kick a ball until i realize that i don't have the fancy cleats required for me to become as great as i would want to be so i drop the notion of wrecking the premier league. besides, if i went back to england it would be to play aeroball, my calling.

where am i? probably about 2 now and it's time for a long shower. see, rather than taking dial's suggestion of taking back the shower i've feminized my shower with silly body wash (and a poof thingy!) and i love it. i also shave my legs and wax my eyebrows. this takes me to 3pm, the lazy hour as i call it although it's really no different than any other time of day for me. Some days i'll read but usually i watch the clock- it's hours of fun! i also eat something, generally a muffin.

At this point my mom comes home from gallivanting around the planet and we take willie the beast out of his cage. i have to watch him to make sure he doesn't eat his bed, jay's desk, any chairs/furniture or my golf clubs. i usually take my socks off for this, otherwise he'll take those. after all this i certainly deserve dinner. if he's feeling feisty and it's hot perhaps i'll indulge in a cold samuel adams as i watch his wacky ways, all the while wondering why he chews his own legs (alternating legs because i think it hurts. yes, ups biology degree hard at work).

dinner is dinner and i'm not telling you what we had or you'd be jealous. it includes wine and food. that's all you need to know. oh, and willie eats the napkins of the entire family.

from this point on my night is just a foggy haze of binge drinking, recreational drug use, unprotected sex and watching the twins game. i usually pass out around 3am.

Home sweet home

It's summertime, look around you- the birds is chirpings, the flowers is bloomings and most importantly, i'm sleeping until noon. holla. My biggest concern is with this crazy dog we purchased, Willy (or Willard as I call him). He doesn't come out of his cage for anyone besides my mother- what gives? He must really hate me to not come out and eat food out of my hand. I don't get it, i'd eat food out of his hands. Anyway, I have been reading all these CIA/Iraq novels from this Minnesota author Vince Flynn since he is coming to talk in a couple days. They're really good/interesting/exciting and meeting the author and hearing him talk about the books, characters ought to be a fun experience. Hope you're swell, mofo.